Kingpin
My name… is Kingpin.

no it ain't so

ha ha

Kingpin
My name… is Kingpin

Like the fat guy in spider-man? LOL Seriously. That's another thing, you really need to read over whatever you write. There are a lot of spelling mistakes, or simple commas missing. That makes it harder it read. So there's you other problem. Proper English and typing skills.

Peter Venkmen

Kingpin
My name… is Kingpin

Like the fat guy in spider-man? LOL

lol :-)

I shall now devote my powers to destroying each and every one of you…

Jokes aside, Peter has a completely valid point, you could stand to work on your writing and grammar because those will help to make your story better.

Kingpin
I shall now devote my powers to destroying each and every one of you…

Destroy them, Tenpin! Destroy them!

(^_^) (^_^) (^_^)

Sorry about that! I've been saving that one for at least a year!

Just had an awesome lateral thinking idea for this “Jason Vs. Ghostbusters” thing…

It's where Jason sues the Ghostbusters for accidentally giving him a nasty third-degree burn while they were chasing some other nasty ghost, and he just accidentally got in the way.

Not trying to make fun, honestly, but this is just how my sick, twisted mind works.

Yes ghostbusters 3007 was me… I had terrible grammar at the time didnt I?
I'm continuing this after dropping it and to be honest I'm only 13 my dad is a big GB fan and so am I I was 9 at the time I was 3007 I lied at the time and said I was an adult with a son to avoid criticism so lets get on shall we? Also I tweaked the story a little so it tells from first person aside from the intro from Ricky.


A young woman is running from something in Central Park, she trips on a stone and falls in the grass and you see the shadow of Jason. He raises his machete and swings… The screen fades to black as you hear a scream.
I was reading the jobs section in the newspaper, my Dad came in with a box of cerreal in his hand.
“Still looking for job eh?” He said.
“Ya, Dad.” Rick says. “Hmmm you see on the newspaper? Ghostbuster wanted I think i'll be a Ghostbuster!” I said
“Ghosts, demons, ghouls… I don't believe in that crap.” My Dad said.
“Well I'm applying for it, ok Dad.”
“Ok, just don't come crying to me when you get fired.” My Dad said

Ill post the next part tomorrow. So how do you like me tweaking the first part a bit?

You switch to much from first person to third person.

-third person

[I was reading the jobs section in the newspaper, my Dad came in with a box of cerreal in his hand.
“Still looking for job eh?” He said.] - first person
third person
- first person
- third person
- first person

the first part needs to pretty much be changed, I would suggest taken out, sounds too much like a script to a movie.

I like the second bit (wacky tenses aside) as a complete story, personally.