Here's something I need to blabla about: My sister's separation. Divorce if you prefer. Nothing legal, nothing religious, just a sample cut in someone relationship.

It's been almost four years now, four years since she found that guy who works in a fastfood. My sister never had luck with any boyfriends; each time she found a supposed ‘'OK Guy’', things turned in a dead-end. Violence, drugs and/or alcool were responsible of the story.

Her last relation started with him in a party. Ohhh, alcool can paint life like a wonderful world for those who want to believe in the illusion. Well, they had a good time. So day after day, with her ideal thought, a relation was built. Of course, he also liked her.

After some months, they had their ‘up and down’; couples always reach that level in their relation; it helps to balance and learn about the other. The mistake was to believe in that guy who answer: ‘I understand’, in difficult time; the weeks after, conflict rented the house again.

Back from work, always in a bad mood; he never wanted to talk to her during diner; he broke the stove, under violence; another day, he thrown a steak to her face; under alcool, he broke the window to get back in the house when my sister locked the door because she was afraid and tired of the conflict; he vomited suicide arguments, another day, to impose its superiority… you know: it was a cat and dog game.

I was always half informed of what was happening in her life; maybe it was to protect myself of… myself. But when things were difficult, I was also sent to restore peace in the place; always with good communication, always with a friendly approach: you can restore things back to normal. We were all hoping to see things change. And I could do the job cause I was never completly informed of the situation.

A time came when everything were nice. And my sister… became pregnant. If I knew, I wouldn't have followed the protocol of saying: ‘what a good news to hear’. No, I would have shout: ‘'F***! What the hell are you doing!!!’' The fact his: my sister never wanted a child in her life, and she were always scared. But to see her all happy, all positive, it was difficult to say anything bad. Stupid me.

It's been 3 years and a half… and now today the child is 3yrs old. I wonder if you know how much I'm disappointed, in me, for being blind. But things are done. All during that time, I was, with one of my family, helping in a hope of better days. It was nothing but a rollercoster. During the job, it was not easy: are things alright, today, for them?

One thing I need to say: my sister is schizo-emotional. I'm not sure of the correct translation. It took time before we finaly fall on that diagnostic. But we didn't need that diagnostic to inform MrBoyfriend that each time he act like a stupid brainless teenage kid who-don't-give-a-damn-of-its-actions, she ‘escape out of the reality’ to ‘survive’; that we need all our effort to bring her conscience back, each time he makes trouble. Each time, it takes 1 month to put the balance back and almost 3 to 5 months to stabilize her. In the past, she had no child. Today, it's different. It's more hard on us.

At last, their relationship is broken. Stupid boyfriend told me, with maturity, that he was at the end of his patience. After blabla, I made him see that the better thing to do is to stop their relation. The day after, he was asking her if it was not an error to stop their relation! I was not blind that day and I collapsed on them like a guillotine: ‘'stop the false romance and get down to busness; jump to how many days you wanna ’share' the child''.

That ‘boyfriend’ is a lunatic or a big mind gamer… unless he's just stupid; he tryed now to explain that he had feelings for her… what!? after 4 years of bullshit?!

I never saw last month in all the hurry. I never saw summer entering, just to say how stressing things were. At last, we were around the table, trying to negociate how many days mr father and ms mother will see their son. We came to an agreement… that was not good the day after.

Then one day it was ok, the next day we were negociating again. A week like that. I even put my nose where it dont belong to make things clear. Yesterday, my fist hit the table in front of boyfriend's father. I was not in a good mood: after the agreement I made on the phone, I visited mr.boyfriend to make sure things were *OK*… to find that his father was with him and that the deal was no more good… 2 minutes after the agreement!!!

When he saw my fist hiting the table, the father said I was overeacting; what?! it's been 3 years since I make things right! 3 years of support. Each time the father entered the game, it was just to do trouble. And he is a smart mouth; he like to use your own words against you and to play with your mind so you will feel wrong, like that he can put you in his pocket and play with you when he want to. Believe me: he's that kind of guy who don't care about that. He was responsible of this conflict and mr.boyfriend follow cause he don't know how to manage things.

Now it's the final deal or we are goin in front of the law.

… to end the pressure and make myself feel better, I like to imagine I'm in the darkage, with a nice sword… know what I mean? Of course, if I was in the darkage with a nice sword, it would still be the wrong choice to choose. So I keep my spectator seat. The good thing is: all the negativity that man does make me feel more positive; the guy look good but he's just stupid… and I thought I was the one who's ugly.

I think I will change the topic for: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

God, that is depressing.

My boyfriend has a bad temper but it is nothing like your sister's ex boyfriend. My goodness. That is shocking to read. Hope your sister is ok.

Long story…

So I take it that your sister still with the guy even though the relationship is over.

I guess since they have a kid together, they are stuck together now.

The only advice I can give to you is your sister and her x-boyfriend should go into some counseling.

Other than that, I don't know what else to say.

Hope your sister is ok.

She's ok but fragile. When you don't recognize the world you live in, it's a nightmare; for her and the people around. She takes medication to rehabilitate and to stabilize herself. Imagine what it is when the person you love doesn't have enough maturity to respect you or the strength to be patient. Yes, he made a try or two. The fact is: you don't make a try or two to not pay attention after, when the person is “healthy” again; you need to adapt yourself to the person you love like all people do.

The problem was: he liked to drink 8 beer and more per day. Before he knew her, he was living in his hole, drinking all days. When he found her medication, he liked to steal the drugs to take them! :@ So he's just one of the poor lost boys who made the mistake of quiting home when he was young to take the wrong road.

The other problem was: she liked to drink too; but not as much, thank god. But she liked to drink, that's a problem. How can you change a team like that? She argued: “it's different, compared to him” (And I like the taste, she said). You're no different: like him, you fall in the “drunk-confusion”, each time you wanna have fun you take a beer and you misunderstand simple things!

How can you change a team like that? You give them information when needed and when they get tired of hitting the wall, you push them to change their life. And you show the exemple: “alcool, beer, it's only the industry that want to make money. They show good publicity, the youths think it's cool, the youths encourage themselves, they follow a party-lifestyle and when they found a lover: things drop out of the rails for a reason they wouldn't have if they were more careful.”

That's what happened on their side. They both worked to change their lifestyle. They put a stop to the drinking (and they had lots of reason to stop!). I admit, they did hard work but the interest was not there anymore; they had too much trouble togheter. And becose of her psychological problem, for the things he did in the past, it was enough for her to lose her trust in him. But she was still hoping to see things change.

A mistake: it was still a cat and dog game. The child came and it was another thing to deal with. Now, at last, the divorce.

Long story…

So I take it that your sister still with the guy even though the relationship is over.

I guess since they have a kid together, they are stuck together now.

The only advice I can give to you is your sister and her x-boyfriend should go into some counseling.

Other than that, I don't know what else to say.

You are right: their roads will cross again each day for the child. He found another appartment not to far.

The father of mr.boyfriend is trying everything to get the “child-helping-money” my sister will receive from the government. And he's also trying everything so his son won't need to send any money to help her with her child. My sister alone with a child, with half the money she had… with 0$ to 50$ from mr.exboyfriend to help her each week she will have the child… They are complete ASSHOLE :@

September will be the law month… or july.

Thanks for the support.

WOW good luck with it all! Relationships can be a real pain in the ass but just remember that you can't let one sour relationship scare you off of all relationships! You're sister can pick up the pieces it will just take time and don't be jaded by her experience!

I'm sorry to hear about the situation. Hopefully things will get better for your family. I'm glad to see your disdain for alcohol and meeting life partners at parties, though. Alcoholism has ruined countless lives and relationships. But I don't think you could say any single factor is ever entirely to blame in relationships or lives gone bad. I've recently read a very good book intended to help people avoid the sort of mistakes your sister and her boyfriend seem to have made, though. It's called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now by Gordon Livingston. I highly recommend it to anybody reading this post, I have personally learned countless invaluable lessons from it.

Ok here's the news.

I have nothing to talk about so I decided to give more info about it.

So, the law decided to put some rules between my sister and her exboyfriend. One is about the “help money” they receive for having a child. Because they live both on their side, they decided to give that help to only one of them during a month, the next month will be gived to the other, etc.

Her exboyfriend works in a fastfood restaurant, he has a salary and twice what my sister receive to make a living. She cannot full fill all the child's needs with only what she have. Her exboyfriend gives a very small allowance already and we had to negociate alot to get what the situation deserves. We had to go through more, because of his stupid father, to make him understand that. He finaly answered that he will do what it takes. (But why always after a fight, grrr, but at least he did what was needed)

So, she lives on her side, and him… on the next road. Let's skip that part.
They share the child each week with one day as a visit. A good thing: when the child wants to see one of them, it's ok. But her exboyfriend started to… drink again and guess what happened? Between two beers, he fell asleep while doing frenchfries! The firemen came, the whole kitchen in fire, and he took shelter in her exgirlfriend home.

WHAT A JOKE! After all what he did, instead of thinking “I will ask one of my friend to help me, to not disturb her again” he ran to her! And you know what the authority said about the fire? There was several places where the fire started, not only in the kitchen. So if it's true, there's no mistake about it: he felt depressive because of his new life, he then decided to create a fire, to look miserable in front of his exgirlfriend, and, knowing she will give a shelter, he will be able to try to regain her while helping in the house.

Guess what? They are togheter again but now live in separate appartment and on the same street. Although we warned her. I cannot beleive it. You learn that, even if you try, people will stay blind. She just said that he's not like that. AH!

Now I try to keep that away from my mind. And, no, I don't speak to him, I don't trust him, I just hope he will do whatever it takes, with all the potential his brains has, to get on the right road.