An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.
His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, “Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!”

zachary1998;164995
An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.
His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, “Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!”

I didn't think that was funny. That was downright terrible.

Here's a good one.

Ready for it?


Here it comes.


Devil May Cry 5.

There. I said it.

This may not be the best taste of jokes but I doubt anyone under 15 will get the double meanig of this joke.

BIRTHDAY REMINDER!
This week we celebrate a special birthday:
Monica Lewinsky turns 44, can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they…?

a guy goes to the pharmacist and says “listen,these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot,very hot. would you have something to get me going all night its going to be one hell of a party.” the pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says “this stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and i guarantee that you will be doing the wild thin all night. let me know how it goes.” the weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step. the pharmacist says, “what are you doing here so early? how was your weekend?” the guy replies “quick, i need blue ice (muscle pain relief).the pharmacist knowing what the guy had been doing all week end, says ” are you crazy, you cant put that on your penis, the skin is way too sensitive the guy says “no no no its not for that its for my arm”
pharmacist: what? what happened? guy replies “well…I drank the whole bottle of your potion”
pharmacist: “oh my god, and then what?
”the girls never showed up"

I don't get the last joke.

It requires… a bit of thinking.

HA! Not the funniest joke I have ever heard but I chuckled.

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where?

Bubba said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload them???!!!”

Jeff Dahmers mom went over for lunch she said “Jeff I dont like your friends” Jeff said “fine eat your salad” wow ok that was pretty bad