I don’t think apologizing is appropriate for how long this had went on for. I don’t think no side should apologize for how much crap was said back and forth. This ordeal is dead; at least I hope it is. But I have an overwhelming fear that if I post on here, or anywhere else that I will possibly get a hard time for whatever reason. I want to be able to post on here without worrying about that. It’s been a long ass while, and as most of you I just don’t care about it anymore. I was the asshole who was at fault for most of it, I should only be mad at my self. I won’t name people, or websites; it’s pretty obvious which site I’m referring too. If you don’t care what I have to say, that’s fine.

Everything I’ve posted recently makes me look like a dick. I want to remedy that. It took me too long to realize the crap I’m going to cover here. I picked one too many fights, and lost all of them. What many of you had a problem with – was that I never blamed my self, I blamed others, I was stupid for doing that So it’s a new year, so might as well fix something.

I may not, oh how should put this – have Einstein level intellect. I thought once no matter how carefully chosen your words are, no matter how clear you phrase it, no matter how civil you try to come across, they will still twist and manipulate what your original point was to suit their side of whatever ordeal you and them are going through. I simply only read out of their comments what I wanted to. Like instead of what was supposedly just an explanation of how my attitude was making me look, I only saw hateful insults. Eventually the ordeal was blown out of proportion, though both sides were probably at fault. I firmly believed it was more them than I, but as with any fight - pride, ignorance, and immaturity can blur one’s perception of the ordeal.

Immaturity was the starting point, my immaturity. I was probably too immature to have joined an on-line community when I did, and I casted my self into a certain light that I could have never gotten myself out of. Though on their part, they do not know the meaning of ‘forgive and forget’. I will admit, I wanted the last word; to make it look like that I had won. That in no way shape or form helped at all. A lot of it was probably my fault, the beginning of it definitely was.

When I was banned, I was devastated; I thought my hobby was done for. But actually it wasn’t, if anything it had gotten better. I know how this sounds - saying it’s better not to be part of the site. No, not by any means, what I am saying - it was good for ME to not be part of it anymore. I had dug my grave so deep, that instead of trying to build my own ladder, I was just forced out. Even after the banning I made things far, far worse. I can be a complete idiot sometimes, but this was just crossing the boundaries into retardation. I for some reason, well I know what the reason was, I was looking for sympathy, which is pathetic, I know. I brought the drama from the one website to another. Instead of accepting what had happened, I just made my grave deeper.

I circumvented the rules, caused a flame war just about, and I wasn’t banned from here, and for that, I'm thankful. I believed that I was the victim of bullies. It’s embarrassing to admit how long it took me to figure out – that truly, I wasn’t. I mean their attitudes at times were just down right horrible. But, I did keep putting fuel onto the fire. I was probably the sole reason for how long this dreadful ordeal went on for.

I was the one that would bring things up foolishly, and it would start crap all over again. I believed that apologizing would erase my problems, and just make people forget. The first couple of times maybe, but not the other dozen or so times. There was a lot of ridiculous crap said on both sides. But sensitive as I am, it hurt me more, than it did them. I’m not looking for an excuse, that’s a fact. I’m a spineless human being. I wasn’t looking for any of this when I joined. I was looking for people to share my hobby with. But it seems that all of it was probably my own damn fault.

What are you talking about?

Reading this has made me curious about what happened to you.

bigmac;173467
what are you talking about?

Reading this has made me curious about what happened to you.

no brian! Don't!

I got into a fight with pretty much all of GBFans, and then acted like a butt-hurt little child. Not much else to tell.

Oh…. I thought something interesting had happened while I was away.