This point I made got kinda lost in the melee over there, so I'll restate it…

Sean, Dude, one word: paragraphs.

It's an authentic rule of English composition that you start a new paragraph every time a different character starts speaking. That may lead to some short paragraphs, to be sure but is much easier to read than long rambling monstrosities.

(“Who is this guy and why does he think he can give me fan fic advice?”
http://www.ectozone.com/ff.html )

Other constructive criticism:

It's a turn off for many people when they start to read a fan fic and early on you get a scene such as “Ray, Winston, Egon, Venkman, and some new characters you never heard of before get out of the ECTO-1”. Tread carefully with new characters…there's this horrible thing in fan fic circles called “Mary Sue” and a character stuck into a canon group with no explaination is one of the big hallmarks of the phenomenon.

(And if you did explain it, well, I apologize….like I said, I couldn't get far because it was uncomfortable to read)

In your defense, I don't see the idea of the Turtles meeting the Ghostbusters as intrinsically “bad”. They both live in New York, were popular in similar time frames, and even have off-kilter senses of humor. (Heck, you even get four characters and a fight between “They should all wear red masks/tan jump suits” vs. “They should have different colored masks/jump suits” lol)

And yeah, of course Venkman would hit on April O'Niell. You got that part right. Just watch out so Casey Jones doesn't find out and bash Venkman's head in with a golf club :-)

Another tip, and maybe you did this, but you need to get someone's permission to use the characters they've made up (Neil, Ed, and Eugene). If you didn't check with Braxtan on that, that's just wrong man. Plus, that's not exactly canon with everything. Those guys are the Denver Ghostbusters, so they probably shouldn't be in New York.

am I the only one that thinks a retarded 7th grader could write better? like im not trying to put the guy down or anything, but this is seriously worse than MY old fan fictions.

i mean considering he quit our forearm and he wants to hear his home, i think i should post here.

a little constructive criticism, use spell check. it isnt that hard; on microsoft word, and many other programs, red underlines mean spelling errors, and green (maybe even blue) means that there is a grammatical error… look for those.

LordVego
am I the only one that thinks a retarded 7th grader could write better?

No. But you're the first person to voice them.

Sean Pultz
So overnight, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles became friends with the Ghostbusters.

I tried reading this fan-fic. I stopped here. I'll read more if it matures by about 10 years.

Thanks for the advice. I already sent this to Hankl Braxtan and he seemed to like it.

I read this over at GBHQ….and I still don't like it.

First and foremost, I didn't really believe the whole “have something in common” aspect you presented at HQ when you first submitted this story. I just don't see Egon and Leonardo actually palling around so easily at first like that. Or for that matter, the fact that Ghostbusters are shouting “
COWABUNGA!” and other surfer lingos. It's not believeable or for that matter in character with canon. The content felt mediocre.

It's just a story Don't have a cow, man!

How old are you?

I'm guessing around seven.

I'm 19