Vote for 2010 Igor Awards


by Kingpin

14 years, 8 months ago


It'll be on the big screen, I don't doubt that, but I doubt it's going to be a sleeper hit.

by pf4eva1

14 years, 8 months ago


Disclaimer: This is all fiction. Celebrities and trademarks are used ficticiously and for satirical purposes. Please don't sue.

ANNOUNCER (That guy who talks really fast): Live from Antarctica, it's the Third Annual Igor Awards!


(Sacha Baron Cohen appears on stage dressed as a Na'vi.)

(Cliche embarrassing musical number)

(Parody of “Blue Da Ba Dee” by Eifeel 65)

SACHA BARON COHEN: Yo, listen up, here's the story
About a legless guy who visits a blue world
I've only got James Cameron to listen to (echoes…)

(James Cameron's reaction)

COHEN: I'm blue, I'm Na'vi Avatar
I'm Na'vi Avatar
I'm Na'vi, not a Smurf


(Parody of “Love Potion Number 9”)

BEN STILLER: I found some martians down in Mozambique
They look like Squidward and their skin is green
Big metaphor for the stupid apartheid
In some part of Africa… Earth District Number 9
Earth District Number 9
Earth Dis trict Num ber Niiii-iiii-iiii-iii-iiiiine!


(Parody of “Love Bites” by Def Leppard)

DANIELLE HARRIS: When you make love
Do you drink blood and howl?

(Robert Pattinson's reaction)

HARRIS: Who do you think of?
Does she look like me?

(Kristen Stewart's reaction)

HARRIS: Are you Count Floyd?
Or could you be Lon Cheney?

(Taylor Lautner's reaction)

HARRIS: Did you think twice
When you dare left me?
Oooh, Ed!

(Ben Stiller reveals his vampire fangs and ridiculous hair)

(Robert Pattinson's reaction)

STILLER: When you are alone
Do two months go?
Are you getting adren'line?
Who's your canine beau?

(Taylor Lautner's reaction)

STILLER: I don't wanna touch you too much, baby
'Cause Dracula and you might pose a danger
I know we sucked at love, not the plan I made it
I don't wanna see dawn when we decide to break it

(Stephenie Meyer's reaction)

CHORUS: Love bites
Love bleeds

STILLER: Tell Fido to get some fleas!

CHORUS: Love fangs
Love dies

STILLER: New moon, it shines!

CHORUS: Love bites
Love bleeds

HARRIS: It's what I need

STILLER: We couldn't find a song for “Precoius” (echoes…)

(Gaborey Sidibe's reaction)

(Monique's reaction)

STILLER: Watch out, Bella, love bites! (Echoes…)


(Parody of the “Halloween” Theme)

JOHN CARPENTER: “Halloween II” in 2009
It sold like that album by Federline
When it was announced, it was going fine
But Rob did some things that sure crossed the line

The millions of dollars the Weinsteins gave
The many mistakes that Rob Zombie made
The first one they made was replacing Daeg
Akkad is sure rolling ‘round in his grave

The remake was great, but Two’s blasphemy
I'll sue you for making an ass of me
The Weinsteins sure look like your hobo Mike
And who in the hell is that Myers tyke?

Don't wanna diss Malcolm ‘cause he’s a Droog
Why dress up the Shape as Jeff Bridge's Dude?
That Zakk Wylde getup ain't fooling me
Your wife's on the edge of the seventeen

I feel like you robbed me of royalties
My paycheck's as small as Vampires 3
Who's doing that cinematography?
You should have called up by friend Dean Cundey

That Grizz-l-y Adams don't work for me
You saved and then ruined my property
I sure don't see Jason collecting fleas
Don't ever come back for another please

Why must you cast Sherri in every film?
How many more lines do I gotta fill?
Recycling actors grades C and D
Except for Danielle, and Daeg, where is he?
And where did my Halloween music go?

(Rob Zombie's reaction)

CARPENTER: Halloween, Halloween, Halloweeeeeen!
Twooooooooo!

(Thunderous applause and standing ovation)

ANNOUNCER: It's the 2010 Igor Awards! We've got several, countless, and innumerable celebrities, comedians, and other famous people here tonight for the festivities! I'm your announcer John Moschitta, Jr. – a.k.a. that guy who talks really, really fast. And here's your host this evening…

(He slows down)

ANNOUNCER: Zach Gali…? Galifi…? I give up.

(Zach Galifianakis enters, singing)

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS: I was promised in my contract I wouldn't have to sing
But when they offered this song, I couldn't refuuuuuuuuuse…

(Parody of “Who Are You?” by The Who)

CHOIR: Who are you?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Who are you?
Who? Who? Who? Who?

GALIFIANAKIS: I got a name and it comes from Greece
I'm a stand-up comedian
Your face is blank as you see my name
And the films that I've been in

When I showed up to host SNL
Security kept stopping me,
“Well you are you?”

CHOIR: Who are you?
Who? Who? Who? Who?

GALIFIANAKIS: I really wanna know!
Who are you? You? You? Youuuuuuu!

(Thunderous applause)

by pf4eva1

14 years, 7 months ago


Sorry for the delay!


GALIFIANAKIS: Thank you very much.

(He goes to the piano)

GALIFIANAKIS: Welcome to the Third Annual Igor Awards… unless the name has been changed again. I mean, all the good award names are already taken – like Oscar, Felix, Grammy, Tony – and all we get stuck with is (bleeping) Igor. Why Igor?

(Laughter)

GALIFIANAKIS: (Impersonating a mad scientist) Hey, Igor! It's alive! It's alive, Igor!

(Heavy laughter)

GALIFIANAKIS: The Igors. The only award show whose jokes are not written by Bruce Villanch.

(Laughter)

GALIFIANAKIS: I know most of you are unfamiliar with me. I am a very popular stand up comedian, and I was in the movie, The Hangover – which isn't nominated for jack (bleep) tonight. But nobody had ever heard of me until I hosted SNL on March 6. Nobody had ever heard of me until I hosted SNL! Even I had never heard of me until I hosted SNL!

(Heavy laughter)

GALIFIANAKIS: Who the hell am I here? I'm not Tom Cruise. I'm not Morgan (bleeping) Freeman! I'm not Britney Spears, Madonna, Lindsay Lohan! I'm not that guy who songs that song…

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground…

(Larry Platt's reaction)

GALIFIANAKIS: I'm not the Chocolate Rain guy, I'm not Kurt Russell or Bruce Campbell. I'm not the Tron guy either. I'm not even ALF!

(ALF falls to the ground laughing.)

GALIFIANAKIS: I'm nobody! And there I was hosting SNL like I was some big star. Even the musical guests – Vampire Weekend – are more famous than me… and that's a rare occasion. Anyway, enough about me. Let's look back on the past year's movies.

(Applause)

GALIFIANAKIS: There sure the hell were a lot of remakes, reboots, sequels, adaptations, and the like in 2009. We had a reboot of “Friday the 13th.” And it as so painfully obvious that they were cashing in on the success of Rob Zombie's brilliant “Halloween” remake from 2007.

(Cut to Derek Mears and director Marcus Nispel)

(Parody of “Friday I'm in Love” by The Cure)

GALIFIANAKIS: Night at Crystal Lake is blue
Jason's coming after you
(Hobo) Myers, I don't care about you
It's Friday, knife in glove

(Rob Zombie's reaction)

GALIFIANAKIS: Jason tears your guts apart
Stay away from lake-y parts
Oh, hockey mask will stunt your heart
It's Friday, knife in glove
Friday, knife in glove

(He stops playing)

(Applause)

GALIFIANAKIS: This is the, what, 12th Friday the 13th movie? Or 11 1/2? When we're all dead, they'll still be making more Jason movies, because people love Jason. It would be (bleeping) killer if they brought back Kane Hodder. He owns Jason. He IS Jason.

(Derek Mears cheers)

GALIFIANAKIS: What do you say, New Line? Warner Bros.?

(Thunderous cheers)

GALIFIANAKIS: We also had a “Stepfather” remake. It was really good. I liked it. We also had an original – and ear-bleedingly loud – horror flick from Sam Raimi called “Drag Me to Hell.” (Bleep) that movie was loud! I covered my ears the whole (bleeping) time! Scared the (bleep) out of me, too! What a horror masterpiece, if a little graphic at times.

(He plays and sings the chorus to the Grim Reaper song, “See You in Hell.”)

(Applause)

GALIFIANAKIS: We had a lot of 3D films, a lot of sci-fi, a lot of animated movies. We had a few Disney movies that shoved their craptacular pop stars down our throats.

(Parody of “Whole Lotta Rosie” by AC/DC)

GALIFIANAKIS: Let me tell you a story
About a rodent I know
Manufactured singers
Manufactured shows
Ain't exactly acting
Can't exactly sing
Billion and one songs on Billboard now
You can say it's not my thiiiiiiiiiiiing!

(Brian Johnson's reacton)

(Miley Cyrus's reaction)

(Jonas Brothers' reactons)

GALIFIANAKIS: Never liked a Jonas
Never liked a Jonas, Joe who?
Lipping to the words
Lipping to the words that you do

(Jonas Brothers' reaction)

GALIFIANAKIS: Ain't no decent music
(Bleep) the Mileys and the “Jones”
How much fans you really got?
Bet your fans are 19 stones

You do a whole lotta mimin'
A whole lotta mimin'
A whole lotta posing
A whole lotta posing
A whole lotta posing
You do a whole lotta posing

(He plays the riff two more times and stops)

(Thunderous applause – even from Miley Cyrus; The Jonas Brothers; Ashlee Simpson; Ashley Tisdale; Zac Efron; Raven Simone; Lindsey Lohan; Paris Hilton; Kevin Federline; New Kids on the Block; the Backstreet Boys; NSYNC; O-Town; 98 Degrees; 2gether; and the surviving member of Milli Vanilli)

GALIFIANAKIS: How many of you saw that movie, “Up”?

(Applause)

GALIFIANAKIS: That was a great movie. Another Pixar masterpiece. It's about an old guy who puts a bunch of balloons on his house and it floats to another part of the world.

(Parody of “99 Luftballoons (99 Red Ballons)” by Nena)

GALIFIANAKIS: Old enough to be a Gop
His house will float, can never stop
Going to South America
Carl's geriatrica

See the face of young boy scout
Carl tells the kid “Get out!”
Quiet as that Jerry mouse
99 red balloons on house

(Funky part and tempo speeds up)

99 or more balloons
Floating up this tiny house
Carl needs a cane to walk
Hearing aid to hear you talk

These fluffy dogs, they can speak
At least with collars some guy tweaked
Carl's quite a grouchy guy
When 99 or more balloons go by

(Slower tempo)

GALIFIANAKIS: When he widowed much to soon
Filled his house with big baloons
What bird is that one that's acting silly?
Think it's Fred or Jack or Billy
The Carl dude is such a punk
Ironic since he's hated spunk
Why'd he give his house balloons?
Just be glad they weren't in Sweden


(Thunderous applause)

(Parody of “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins)

GALIFIANAKIS: I can see a geezer in the air today
Oh Lord
He's been waiting for his moment for all his life
Oh Lord
Do you see the geezer in the air today?
Oh no, oh no

Well I remember!
I remember the doggy, doggy, doggy…
How could I ever forget
'Cause he sound like, like Alvin, the chippymunk, munk, munk, munk…

Well I know the reason why the many canines talk
Ask Docter named Pete
Got your specs on your nose
Hairy back still grows
You're approaching the age 80!

(Zach goes crazy on the piano parodying the drum fill!)

(Phil Collins falls out of his seat laughing!)

(Zack starts singing the actual chorus from “In the Air Tonight”)

(Thunderous applause)